NaBloPoMo: When do I feel most like myself?

 I feel most like myself when I'm with my siblings. My siblings, although they have different character traits and opinions, are my people. Our communication is comfortable to me. It's light and humorous. Sometimes things get a little crazy but that's okay because anything we say does not affect how we feel about each other. What we feel is deep in our bones and cannot be changed. It's unconditional love. I can be outrageously silly. I can be incredibly depressed. I can be mean and petty. I can say nothing at all. Whatever I feel like being, I can be and I'm still loved. That makes it really easy to be me around them.  

 

NaBloPoMo: My Writing Voice

Well my first post on the subject disapeared into a computer black hole like a college research paper the night before a big due date, so this post will be shorter and less awesome because I used up all my good ideas on the first one and now I got the little ones on my tail. 

My writing voice from what I hear is brutally honest. I tell the whole truth about how I'm feeling and what's going on. I'm honest in real life too, I just am less likely to make people worried and uncomfortable. Writing is my free therapy. When things get to be too much, I write. That makes me sound like I've never got it together because every post reads like a complaint or a plea to heaven for help. Luckily I usually have a glimmer of humor in my posts so things don't get thick as brick. 

I love how writing gives a chance to the author to check the sound of their voice before anyone else hears it. I write, read, rewrite and repeat until what I've written says what I intended it to and the tone is right.  In real life, I am talking and simultaneously wondering if the person smiling at me is smiling because they understand me or because they are thinking "What the heck is this lady talking about?"

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. My kids are getting crazy. 

NABloPoMo: 5 Interesting Things

This month I'm trying something new in order to get me to write more often, NaBloPoMo. Basically, I'm given prompts for what to write about and then I post every day, except weekends.

Today I'm to post 5 interesting things about myself. 

1. When I run out of shampoo, I do not go out and buy the same kind. I have to try something different every time. I love a new smell or a new softness to my hair. Even the look of a new bottle. Sometimes I even get some hotel shampoo out of my stash and use it mid regular bottle just to get the new feeling.

2. I have acquired over 20 new bottles of nail polish in the last 5 months. I'm normally getting 5 max a year. It's Julep that's got me addicted. I cannot stop trying out new colors. And not just on my tootsies like a normal stay at home mom, but on my fingers. And I've changed colors 3 times a week one week. I'm not even that great at doing my nails! 

3. I'm a freak about keeping my babies' nap times silent. I have serious anxiety when people are around when my baby naps. I hate when people open or shut doors. I asked my husband if he could please not even shut the bathroom door when my daughter is asleep (he still does). Quiet voices and quiet play from everyone too. I once ashed my mother-in-law to take off her loud shoes in her own house. My three year old told me, "Mom, you worry too much." I was the same way with my first daughter. 

4. I asked my husband to marry me. I couldn't stand waiting for him to ask me. 

5. I have an alter ego named Cheryl. I don't use her often now that I have kids. She's really crazy, but crazy can be fun. 

Story: Ms. Fancy

Ms. Fancy decided while drinking her fancy blueberry herbal tea that today she would conquer Russian cuisine, well cuisine that her fancy Russian friend makes at her house. With official Russian spices and a head remembered of the details she embarked. Chop chop chop the potatoes and into the bowl they go. Then goes in the infamous Mayo. A couple spoonfuls she said, but just to be sure Fancy Mom puts in half a cup. Stirring reveals potatoes coated generously. Next the drumsticks coated in Mayo. A little less generous this time. Sprinkle the special ingredients and into the oven they go. Mr. Fancy arrives after minutes have past and she says to him "Dinner is in the oven and prepare yourself because it's going to be so good. It's a Russian delicacy with secret ingredients smuggled over by secret agents from долго авиаторов." It will be 40 minutes. He will be back.
 The little creatures living in the house who depend on Ms Fancy's cooking can't wait, so veggies are put on the stove. The littles also need back carries and toy fetches to last till veggies.

Oh crap they are boiling over! Ms. Fancy is feeling strange as this escapes her lips. She enters the kitchen and drains the veggies. Steam billows. A piece of fancy falls off her. She places veggies in each of four bowls. The littlest little gets placed in a trayed chair and eagerly plunks them in her mouth without regard to color or size. The other little only takes the beans. 

"More beans!" "You can have them from my plate." Veggies are all over the floor and are continuing to plummit from tiny fingers. Ms Fancy takes her Julep Claudette red fingernails and caresses the messy creature. So cute. Cheerios are gonna have to fill the gap of time between now and 7 minutes when the fancy dinner is done. 

"Oh Geez Oh Geez! Come here," she exclaims as she pulls off tray to the chair holding the one now choking on itty bitty Cheerios, of all things. No intervention needed. Another piece of fancy falls to the carpet.
Ding! Dinners done and will be perfect. Its time......only its not. Ms. Fancy is not feeling so fancy.

The potatoes seem unchanged and meat only slightly. Ten more minutes. Times passes. Ding! Ready for dinner yay! Potatoes?! What is wrong with you? 10 more minutes. Still not done. Crank up the heat. 12 minutes. Damned potatoes cook! Only out her mouth she says "stupid potatoes!" of course.

"Dad! Mom said "stupid potatoes!"" Ms. Not So Fancy pokes the stupid potatoes here there and everywhere. Back in the oven for 15 minutes and no foil! Take that potatoes! Laughter from behind her. She brings out the strawberries and slices them for the little ones. They are now filled for the night.
Finally Potatoes surrender. Its been one hour and a half of another. No one is left ready for dinner so the potatoes go straight the fancy plastic dish with the lid attached. She would put the dishes in the washer but its full with dirties. So into the full with dirties sink or counter. Fancy will have to wait for another night or a friendlier batch of potatoes.

I can type!

I can type lots and lots of words hahaha! For the last probably 6 months I've been limited to typing, if you can call finger plunking typing, on my Ipad. We busted all our computers so its been a long wait till now. My new computer is lovely and I can type to my hearts content as long as I don't mind that my fingers are turning into icicles is this frigid basement.
So just to catch you up on whats going on...
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Just play mom. We play make believe most of the day. Usually our play involves robots or babies. Sometimes there are so many imaginary beings in our house I start to feel nervous that the landlord will up the rent. I love watching Lizzie smile and grow and learn, except when its learning how to use toys to get high enough to pull full bowls of oatmeal off the table. I have taken to painting my nails a couple times a week with the help of my Julep subscription. I play makeup, thanks to my Ipsy subscription. I eat a lot of crap food, with a little help from Brady's Treatsie subscription.  I watch Scandal, The Walking Dead, and Downton Abby. We play with our Russian neighbors pretty much every day. We are a good match, if only the 3 year old could speak English. Poor Aurora must be frustrated about that.
The days are long here and the weeks are short.
Right now I'm working on our taxes, getting my pictures off of my iPad and iPhone, a First Year photo book for Lizzie, and a blog book of my second pregnancy. So this computer is gonna get right to work for me.
But I am also gonna start getting my mind to think and write here. Its good exercise. I think it will revive me flabby brain cells.
Oh it feels good to type again. I'll do it again soon.

I'm missing it

I'm missing it. My time with these little ones is so limited. They grow faster and faster. They are cuter than I ever imagined. They love to play and have fun. They love me I can tell and waiting for me. I'm wanting to be up narrating a fantastic adventure while we jump over couch cushions and hide under blankets. But I'm not with them. I'm in the middle of a busy street, concentrating on keeping between the solid yellow lines and there is a voice yelling at me in a thick accent. It's demanding I solve mathematic equations or it will throw tomatoes at me and I will lose balance and fall into traffic's way. Only the voice is actually my child's and she is saying she wants me and needs me and it feels like she is tightening a rope around my neck. Each shriek and whine tightens my chest. I never want to get out of bed. I'm doing the best I can, which isn't good enough.  I am being cheated of my life by my brain chemistry. 

My baby does not like to sleep

My baby does not like  to sleep. She will not do it with my boobie. She will not do it watching a movie. She doesn't want to rock in a chair. She doesn't want to anywhere. She will not sleep bouncing on a ball. She doesn't while I'm pacing down the hall. She will not sleep when she cries it out. She doesn't tire while I pat it out.  She doesn't relax while I'm in the room. She doesn't sleep in her swaddle costume. She doesn't care about pick up put down. She won't sleep driving through town. She will not sleep through the night. She will not ever sleep without a fight.