Kids Eat Me Alive

As a young girl I always imagined I would have two kids. But, when I had Aurora I could not figure out how anyone could have more than one child. She took every second of my time. She was a colicky baby who needed to be bounced on an excercise ball and held for every nap. I was taking care of her whenever I was awake which was most of the time. Luckily when she was around 3 months we moved in with my mom for about 9 months so it didn't matter so much that I didnt do house chores every day. 

Aurora continued to demand soothing to sleep and constant entertainment for almost two years. When she started to get to sleep on her own and watch tv for longer than 5 minutes and I could manage my housework okay and take a shower again without a babysitter I started to imagine having a baby in the living room with us. I visualized myself caring for it and Aurora at the same time and  it seemed like it could work, so I decided it was time for my second child. 

I got pregnant quickly. Gestation was awful again. I was throwing up during the first and second trimester and had difficulty getting around from pubic symphysis dysfunction and hip pain in the second and third. But the worst part was the worrying! I worried that my baby would be colicky. I worried that sensitive Aurora would not do well with the crying; she is still afraid of the vacuum and blender!  I worried about how to get anything other than watching the kids done. I worried I may never leave the house again. I worried I would become depressed. I worried that Brady wouldn't help me as much as I needed. 

Guess what! Almost everything I worried about came true. Only its Aurora who is acting colicky again. Parenting is really brutal right now. 

When I began this post, I thought it would end with me saying how everything turned out super and I worried needlessly and so others shouldn't worry about having a second child either. But having any amount of kids is hard. The only advice I have is to believe you will make it through these breakless days. Unclench your jaw, put on your pretend smile and mother as well as your circumstance will allow. Sometimes that will need to mean giving your kids to someone else and running for the door. You will not be able to enjoy many moments in mothering. How can you appreciate having your child defy your every want and listen to the most whiny noises possible ALL DAY LONG! Hold strong and don't feel bad that you hate many days with your children. But please write down or store in your brain the moments your child made you laugh or said something sweet and review it from time to time because those moments contain the love for them you won't be able to remember during a good behavior drought or when they dump over the basket of your just folded laundry.