Sharing Time

Each of us has our own little world thoughts and happenings that we would not normally bring up to someone when they ask us "What's up?" We stick to the safe topics. "Oh nothing much. Husband just finished a big presentation. We are glad that's over. We have a couple birthdays coming up in the family. Trying to decide how we'd like to celebrate them. What's up with you?" There is so much that reply does not include. I think what's not included in the reply deserves an audience. Those bits that aren't included are the really interesting things. Its the stuff that makes up our mood and our overall satisfaction with life at present. That's why blogs are so important. They give us a place to share our real responses and get real responses in return. So lets be real with each other. I'll share my real response to "What's up?" and you share yours.
You: What's up Melanie?
Me: Last Christmas my mother-in-law gave my daughter The World's Biggest Candy Bar. There was pounds and pounds of chocolate. That thing could have sat around for years, but I recently started to grate it and bake just in the name of getting rid of that thing. I add the chocolate to cookies and breads.  Unfortunately, every time I bake, I lose control and binge pretty bad. I'm worried that I have no self control and am going to really pay for it someday. I don't want to get unhealthy and I feel like I won't continue to be lucky forever. I feel like I'm either binging or not eating much every day. I have no moderation. I feel like a bad dog who's hopped on the table and ate the roast.
I am also losing the hold on my spending control the past month or two or three. Zulily is the worst site ever. I keep deleting it, but then I tell myself I will just browse and add the app again. I humiliate myself. Sometimes I make it a while because I don't find anything that I particularly care for, but when I find something I can't say no to myself. I say that we really need these kids clothes that I'm buying, but truthfully how can a 4 year old need that many frilly tanks? And besides I know that the quality of some of their stuff really isn't that great and I still keep wasting money. I worry that there is something wrong with me sometimes.
I grew my first white hair. It made me look at my current standing and realize I'm not doing anything I'm really proud of. I know I'm raising little kids, but I'm not doing that so gracefully. I'm so bored that I cannot focus on doing a good job with them many times and I have nothing going on right now beyond that. If you take away the kids I wouldn't be much.
Despite all this, I'm holding up really well. I'm not mopey. I've been getting more things done lately thanks to Abilify. I'm happier but also restless. I think I'm going to be okay as long as I can get control of myself and use my inability to sit for something positive.

Your turn!!!!!

What's up with you? I've made myself vulnerable here. Please don't read and ditch. Share with me.


  1. Gods I love you!! You are so real. You are so creative & you have no idea how witty you are. I'm grateful that you mentioned Abilify because I have taken Effexor or something like it for years. I'm grateful because I know there are people unlike you & I that are ashamed for taking something that their body needs. I read that 10%of the nation takes antidepressants & 30% of Utah is on an anti-depressant but no one talks about it. Why? I guess they know that something is wrong with them but don't realize that something is wrong w/ most people.

    There are a bunch of people who struggle with wanting to excel & do something big but believe work/life/kids/reality is/are holding them back. The thing is that your kids might end up like me; I know that my Mom is an amazing person that I will always be grateful to. She has made & keeps making such a huge impact on my life. That doesn't mean that she didn't have her struggles. That doesn't mean that someone (other than me) will be writing a book about her someday. I think there is a happy place somewhere called "now" where we can not look at our past or worry about our future (Buddhists call it many things such as "nirvana"). The struggle is remembering to be there (now). Anyway, I'm grateful for all the times my mom was present with me. Every moment when she is with me & not worrying is so precious. I know that Mellers is doing exactly that with her cardboard robots! She is doing that with cookie sheet sleds. Knitting is now. Matching nails is now.

  2. What a wonderful thoughtful post. You have touched my heart Angie, over and over.

  3. I recently quit my job, which is good, but now I feel completely lost in that regards. I have no idea what I want to do, if I want to do anything. I am just coasting, which is a little easier I think for me to do as a mom. I realize that being a mom is an awesome job, but sometimes I think I'd be better if I got out of the house, but then I realize I have no clue what I want to do. All I know is that I do like being at home primarily, so I would want something super flexible and not many hours a week at this point. Do I want to work? Do I volunteer somewhere--oh wait, I still need to pay for childcare if I do that with no extra income to pay for that childcare if I just volunteer? Will I want to work in the future (when the kids are in school), so should I stay in my field somehow, so I don't a have a long break on my resume? Do I want to stay in my field? What am I passionate about that I could get paid for? Ugh, so many questions and worries. I know I just need to trust God that it will be okay, but I wish he would give me a flashing light sign in regards to where he wants me and where I will be happy in regards to working outside of the house. That's how I am doing...I'm coasting and feel a little lost.

    1. Having young kids is like being trapped sometimes. I've also contemplated volunteering and run into the same problem, what do I do with the kids. It's really tough being a SAHM. It does a number on your self esteem. Hopefully when my kids go to school I will be able to get out and build up my self worth. Thanks for sharing.

  4. So much going through my head lately. Do you know Hudson starts kindergarten this fall?!?! And I'm so uneasy about sending him to school. And then what am I supposed to do? We haven't been successful in having more kids. Truthfully I want to fill my days sewing when he goes to school. I want to start some kind of quilting business. But then I feel so selfish. That's not something that will impact lives or change the world.i want to make a difference. Only quilting is the only thing I want to do. All. Day. Every. Day. Isn't that horrible? And the SAHM hat is not the same hat it used to be. Uneasy about the whole situation is an understatement. He's so ready and excited to go. And I just want to push him over, throw a diaper on him and make him a baby again.

    1. I totally think you should quilt! It's not selfish at all. You can use your business to contribute to charities if you wanted sometimes. Donate part of proceeds to a charity or cause.
      I wish I knew how you felt with Not wanting to send Hudson to school. I'm dying for Aurora to go to school. She hates preschool though, so I feel so cruel. Her personality is a struggle for me. She is a lot like me ( :
      I love you Marrianne!