I'm feeling desperate lately. But for nothing specific. Its feels like an aching that I've lost something, only I haven't. Aurora is beautiful. Brady's been pitching in. I haven't had harsh words with anyone. Everything is normal. It doesn't make logical sense for bad feelings to come from nowhere and yet they do.
I've been down for a couple weeks probably. I think it started the day my ultrasound didn't reach my expectations. But its more than that because I've moved on, made plans for a new one, and I still feel like someone stole the light from inside me. I feel like just doing the bare minimum to get by around the house, and so I do. I try to have something planned in the mornings that will take me and Aurora out of the house to distract me from my feelings and distract her from noticing anything different about me. When I get Aurora down for a nap, I plan to take a quick breather before accomplishing something and then I can't get back up. I get lost in unsatisfying browsing by tv or iPhone. I dread getting her up because I have no idea what I am going to do with her till bedtime. I feel like I just want to sit there forever.
Its a disease, right? Or am I selfish and lazy.