My baby does not like to sleep

My baby does not like  to sleep. She will not do it with my boobie. She will not do it watching a movie. She doesn't want to rock in a chair. She doesn't want to anywhere. She will not sleep bouncing on a ball. She doesn't while I'm pacing down the hall. She will not sleep when she cries it out. She doesn't tire while I pat it out.  She doesn't relax while I'm in the room. She doesn't sleep in her swaddle costume. She doesn't care about pick up put down. She won't sleep driving through town. She will not sleep through the night. She will not ever sleep without a fight. 

I am the great and powerful

Today was a day worth remarking. I conquered the world today. It all started with Kangoo. A workout named after kangaroos my friends is a workout worth trying. You strap on bouncy boots and accelerate your heartbeat to full blast and it ain't easy to keep that up. Especially when you had a couple babies and haven't kept up on your kegals. You don't have to run to get a runners high. At the workouts completion I might as well have added the ladies in my class to list of people to buy Christmas crap for. When you go through tough stuff with people they become family. Even if the tough stuff is over after 60 minutes. 

Then there was some regular stuff that happened At the house. Mothering the babes and what not. 

But then I busted the boundaries of what can and can't be done with kids. My ugly yard just keeps getting uglier waiting for a day when someone can watch the kids so I can take care of things. But then I thought a glorious thought I CAN DO THIS NOW. So I did it! I conquered those hedges! I chopped down those weed stalks. I got out the ol heavy duty extension cord, put sensitive Aurora in the rocking chair on the inside of the glass where I could keep an eye on her and the teething baby in her excersaucer near me and those little chicas beheld how awesome their mother is when she kicks the shit out of ugly overgrowth. 

Now that's a powerful woman who can take care of what needs to be done so that time isn't wasted wishing and waiting. 

ROOOAAR 

Three is a like eating chocolate chip cookies full of gritty sand

 

I am Aurora. 

I don't talk because I'm a cat. I only meow. But when I do talk, I ask why. Why cant I hit the cat? Why will he not like it? Why does it hurt him? Why can't I have 3 Popsicles. I don't like when you talk to me mom. Go away, but Mom play with me. I need you. Make my stuffed animal talk.  I want, I want, I want, I need, why can't I? 

Happy Horrible Cake Birthday Brady

Yesterday in the cake mix isle Aurora said "I have a geat idea! Lets go to the ice cream store and get a cake!" I shoulda listened. This cake is hideous. 

You Can, I Know It

Today I stood by my three year old as she inched her feet around the swirly that after probably eight rotations poles over to the peek of the jungle gym. She went ever so painfully slow and careful. She grinned and squeeled above my head as she was triumphant again and again. Up and down bout 3 times before She slipped. Thankfully she held on with a hand and did not fall or hurt herself much. She cried a moment and then went again. She got up again about halfway before I saw hesitation. I asked, "Are you going to make it?" Immediately I realized I was a hypocrite. Let me explain. 

When I struggle and meltdown, but then pick myself up and try to keep going I abhore questions like "Are you going to be alright?" It feels like such a ridiculous thing to ask a person whose just used half a box of tissue. How can someone whose not alright possibly make someone else confident that they actually are alright. They are still trying to figure it out. 

So after asking my daughter if she was going to make it, I was now doubting her ability to climb to the top successfully again. But like I cannot immediately answer whether I am going to be alright for those who witness my weakness, she could not predict if she would fall again. What she needed was someone to steady her feet and strengthen her resolve to make it. "You can make it!" I told her. That's what she always needs to hear. I need to be her cheerleader. Even when doubt enters my mind I want to cover it with belief in her and her abilities to succeed. I know that my confidence in her can give her the strength she will need to grow into a strong self confident woman. 

Dear Bob

I've been watching you. You know, when we bought you I imagined you'd have the intellect and entertainment value of a goldfish. But your something else. Not just because the 13.99 crab shack and kit you came with proved worthless and I spent $100 getting you new supplies. Nope. You've opened my eyes. I've become obsessed with helping you live because you are teaching me so much about my life. You'll start to see that soon enough. 

First lets talk about how "simple" it is to have you as a pet. You need access to salt dechlorinated water and regular dechlorinated. You need fresh food every day and don't like the same thing in a row. You need your glass tank full of coconut fiber kept between 70-80 degrees and above 70% humidity. You need two extra change of shells. You need things to entertain yourself with. You need company. Lack of any of these things and you die a long slow painful death.  We aren't so different you and I. I too have a long list of requirements that prevent me from a long slow painful death. Chocolate, So You Think You Can Dance, phone calls from my mom, a date with my husband a couple times a year etc. 

I think we both know something is wrong with your new companion Eva. It's pretty obvious. Its hard not to notice when someones missing a leg. Whether she pulled it out herself or someone else did it we may never know.  I admire you so much for the way you've reacted. She comes into your space walking weird and acting dramatic when you go to say hello. You could have got defensive, but you didn't. You showed her you weren't a threat. You stood by while she needed space. You gave her your cave and you kept her company from the entrance. I was so happy to see she finally let you in. I have to tell ya Bob. I'm a bit more like Eva that I am you. You are a good crabby. 

I've noticed that you are not interested in me. I get close and you pull into your shell. That's fine. I do the same thing when big obstacles show up in my way.  I hope you realize one day my big scary hand is arranging all the pieces that will get you to your next molt. Molting is pretty stressful I hear. You lose your hard exterior and become a newer better crab. But you're all sensitive for awhile and need to be treated gently. I get that. I'm going through a sorta molt right now. I'm still in the part where you hide and cry for weeks. But it's all for the better. I can't see it now but someone is keeping an eye on my humidity and temperature too. I hear he can't wait to see me emerge bigger and better. So don't stress too much Bob because at least you can see me. You know when I'm around. But I guess I know He is around too. 

I love you Bob. 

Sincerely, Melanie 

P.s. I hope you'll understand when I tell you there's a likelihood we will move in a year or two so get all you can outa life now because your not coming with us. Xoxo

Kids Eat Me Alive

As a young girl I always imagined I would have two kids. But, when I had Aurora I could not figure out how anyone could have more than one child. She took every second of my time. She was a colicky baby who needed to be bounced on an excercise ball and held for every nap. I was taking care of her whenever I was awake which was most of the time. Luckily when she was around 3 months we moved in with my mom for about 9 months so it didn't matter so much that I didnt do house chores every day. 

Aurora continued to demand soothing to sleep and constant entertainment for almost two years. When she started to get to sleep on her own and watch tv for longer than 5 minutes and I could manage my housework okay and take a shower again without a babysitter I started to imagine having a baby in the living room with us. I visualized myself caring for it and Aurora at the same time and  it seemed like it could work, so I decided it was time for my second child. 

I got pregnant quickly. Gestation was awful again. I was throwing up during the first and second trimester and had difficulty getting around from pubic symphysis dysfunction and hip pain in the second and third. But the worst part was the worrying! I worried that my baby would be colicky. I worried that sensitive Aurora would not do well with the crying; she is still afraid of the vacuum and blender!  I worried about how to get anything other than watching the kids done. I worried I may never leave the house again. I worried I would become depressed. I worried that Brady wouldn't help me as much as I needed. 

Guess what! Almost everything I worried about came true. Only its Aurora who is acting colicky again. Parenting is really brutal right now. 

When I began this post, I thought it would end with me saying how everything turned out super and I worried needlessly and so others shouldn't worry about having a second child either. But having any amount of kids is hard. The only advice I have is to believe you will make it through these breakless days. Unclench your jaw, put on your pretend smile and mother as well as your circumstance will allow. Sometimes that will need to mean giving your kids to someone else and running for the door. You will not be able to enjoy many moments in mothering. How can you appreciate having your child defy your every want and listen to the most whiny noises possible ALL DAY LONG! Hold strong and don't feel bad that you hate many days with your children. But please write down or store in your brain the moments your child made you laugh or said something sweet and review it from time to time because those moments contain the love for them you won't be able to remember during a good behavior drought or when they dump over the basket of your just folded laundry.