NaBloPoMo: Have you ever been part of a group blog?

While my husband was in his studying years of medical school, I started a blog for me and all the medical wives that lived in our townhome complex. It was really fun. People used it to let each other know about happenings, to give away or sell things, or just talk about the disgusting bugs that lived around us. It was a good experience.

NaBloPoMo: Do you share too much on your blog? Too you hold back too much?

What is too much?
Do I share things that are too personal? Only I can decide what's too personal. I know a lot of people don't like to share their feelings publicly, so for them what I write might be too personal. But for me its not. Before I hit publish I imagine people reading my post and notice whether or not that makes me uncomfortable. If it does, I don't publish.

Do I hold back too much?
I use this blog like a therapist. When your in therapy you don't hold back. You say your whole truth. But even I know that there are times when you should hold back even when it would feel so good not to. The thing that I am most tempted to blog about, that I know would be great therapy for me, is my relationship with my husband.  He is in a medical residency and is exhausted all the time. I get really frustrated and am tempted to vent. But I know relationships are delicate. You can say something to your spouse that you regret and they may forgive you. But when you say something about that relationship to the world on the internet, whether or not the subject reads it, it sticks. It injects poison. There is no going back from that. So no, I don't hold back too much. Holding back is right.

NaBloPoMo: Do you think you'll be blogging in 10 years?

No. I think blogging as we know it will be extinct and something better will take its place. Do I think I'll still be writing? Absolutely. Hopefully I will have written something I'm really proud of by then too. 

Lame response today. Just not feeling this question and I'm having a conversation with a three year old at the same time I'm trying to write. Baby Lizzie has a fever and it might not be a free time kind of night later. 

NaBloPoMo: How has blogging changed my life?

I first blogged on January 17, 2008. At that time my husband was in his first year of medical school which meant he studied a lot of the time that he wasn't at school. I was lonely and bored and feeling lost. I was a thousand or so miles away from any family. I was living in a townhome community full of fellow medical student families that I was having trouble relating too. A lot of the ladies around me had blogs too.  They updated their families with pictures and were really very adorable with their posts about what they'd been up to. I intended on finding happiness on my blog that same way.
My first post I basically stated that I was starting the blog. My second post was a romantic recollection of my husband and I reuniting after he spent 6 weeks at military officers boot camp. It was so fun to write. The posts that followed were about Iowa sunsets, the state fair, and Twilight. I really enjoyed sharing them as well. I was appearing to others to be happy and enjoying life.
Then came Antidepressant Withdrawal Hell . My blog went from sharing just a piece of me to sharing my soul. I became a more authentic me. It was my own personal coming out of the closet. People responded to that post where they hadn't as well with the others.  I felt seen and heard. I have been able continue sharing that authentic me through my blogs. No matter that I've moved around, some of the same people are still "seeing" me. I can share a deeper me, whenever I need to, whether or not there is anyone around to acknowledge me. Blogging saves my life.... and probably my husband's. Blogging has given me a pseudo-friend who is always available and that has changed everything.

Kangaroo Pouches and Velcro Curlers

My little brother is getting married in May. I am so excited. I feel like I've been invited to the Grammys. I get to shed my bleach stained stay-at-home mom uniform and play dress up. Oh and I'm excited for him too. I haven't put this much thought into what I should wear since I got married 9 years ago. I've been running into some problems though. When I put on my new dress, I was disappointed to see it didn't fit me the way it fits the model on the Internet. The elastic sewn between the bodice and the skirt is having a hard time finding my waist. It ends up sliding above my kangaroo pouch which causes the bodice to scrunch and makes me appear to have long granny boobs. I am now the proud owner of a pair of Spanx. It's not cheating to wear shape wear if your dress is playing dirty, right?

My other big problem is my hair. It is lifelessly straight long and shapeless given that it hasn't been cut or styled in around 1,832 poopy diaper changes. I bought some Velcro curlers thinking they would give me cheap easy way to curl my hair and look fancy for The Wedding. To do a quick test run I rolled my hair in those bad boys and blow dried for a second. Then expecting a miracle to have happened I started to unravel ... only the curlers would not budge. Those little bristles of destruction had their grip on me and would not release. I pulled and pulled and one by one I removed those stupid $10 hair rippers. I lost more hair in those 5 minutes than in all my weeks post pardem. And now I have short hairs in some spots. That should have been the end to the Velcro curler story but while I was in the bathroom my highly sensitive three year old rolled her hair in one. Tears!!! Agony!! 

I've since bought and tried two curling irons and neither has delivered the curls I desire. And my hair goes straight after 10 minutes. I want to be like Mellie from Scandal. What's the secret? Does anybody know? Products and tips please. 

NaBloPoMo: What have you learned about yourself through blogging?

• Blogging has taught me that writing is my thing. There are people who paint. There are people who scrapbook. There are people who clean their house really well. Writing is what gives me that calm accomplished high. I would love to get really good at it.
• Blogging has taught me I am not self motivated. Despite wanting to write frequently, I don't when I think no one will ever read what I've written. Comments make me want to write more. I need connection. I need feedback. And I need a little bit of direction sometimes.
• Through blogging I've learned that I kinda miss school. Not getting up in the morning and attending classes, but writing papers. Particularly essays. I really like having written a good essay.
• Blogging continues to teach me that I am fine. I learn it when I read other people's blogs and I teach it to myself time and time again as I finish an emotional post. I am fine. There is nothing that happens to me that doesn't happen in some way or another to another person. I am not alone. I am capable. I am absolutely fine just the way I am.  

NaBloPoMo: Does Blogging Bring Out Your Best or Worst Self?

I should say that blogging brings out my worst me because that's the way it would seem with all the negative posts I've done. But saying that blogging brings out the worst of me is inaccurate. Life brings out the worst in me. The worst is there to begin with when I sit down to type. My mind gets full of the worst and blogging gives the worst a place to rest. Without writing my toxic thoughts get stuck and leak out onto my kids and husband in discontent and anger. Blogging helps to extinguish the hurt and loneliness. Blogging, or more accurately writing, saves me and my family and let's me get back to trying to be a better me.