Kangaroo Pouches and Velcro Curlers

My little brother is getting married in May. I am so excited. I feel like I've been invited to the Grammys. I get to shed my bleach stained stay-at-home mom uniform and play dress up. Oh and I'm excited for him too. I haven't put this much thought into what I should wear since I got married 9 years ago. I've been running into some problems though. When I put on my new dress, I was disappointed to see it didn't fit me the way it fits the model on the Internet. The elastic sewn between the bodice and the skirt is having a hard time finding my waist. It ends up sliding above my kangaroo pouch which causes the bodice to scrunch and makes me appear to have long granny boobs. I am now the proud owner of a pair of Spanx. It's not cheating to wear shape wear if your dress is playing dirty, right?

My other big problem is my hair. It is lifelessly straight long and shapeless given that it hasn't been cut or styled in around 1,832 poopy diaper changes. I bought some Velcro curlers thinking they would give me cheap easy way to curl my hair and look fancy for The Wedding. To do a quick test run I rolled my hair in those bad boys and blow dried for a second. Then expecting a miracle to have happened I started to unravel ... only the curlers would not budge. Those little bristles of destruction had their grip on me and would not release. I pulled and pulled and one by one I removed those stupid $10 hair rippers. I lost more hair in those 5 minutes than in all my weeks post pardem. And now I have short hairs in some spots. That should have been the end to the Velcro curler story but while I was in the bathroom my highly sensitive three year old rolled her hair in one. Tears!!! Agony!! 

I've since bought and tried two curling irons and neither has delivered the curls I desire. And my hair goes straight after 10 minutes. I want to be like Mellie from Scandal. What's the secret? Does anybody know? Products and tips please. 

NaBloPoMo: What have you learned about yourself through blogging?

• Blogging has taught me that writing is my thing. There are people who paint. There are people who scrapbook. There are people who clean their house really well. Writing is what gives me that calm accomplished high. I would love to get really good at it.
• Blogging has taught me I am not self motivated. Despite wanting to write frequently, I don't when I think no one will ever read what I've written. Comments make me want to write more. I need connection. I need feedback. And I need a little bit of direction sometimes.
• Through blogging I've learned that I kinda miss school. Not getting up in the morning and attending classes, but writing papers. Particularly essays. I really like having written a good essay.
• Blogging continues to teach me that I am fine. I learn it when I read other people's blogs and I teach it to myself time and time again as I finish an emotional post. I am fine. There is nothing that happens to me that doesn't happen in some way or another to another person. I am not alone. I am capable. I am absolutely fine just the way I am.  

NaBloPoMo: Does Blogging Bring Out Your Best or Worst Self?

I should say that blogging brings out my worst me because that's the way it would seem with all the negative posts I've done. But saying that blogging brings out the worst of me is inaccurate. Life brings out the worst in me. The worst is there to begin with when I sit down to type. My mind gets full of the worst and blogging gives the worst a place to rest. Without writing my toxic thoughts get stuck and leak out onto my kids and husband in discontent and anger. Blogging helps to extinguish the hurt and loneliness. Blogging, or more accurately writing, saves me and my family and let's me get back to trying to be a better me. 

NaBloPoMo: When do I feel most like myself?

 I feel most like myself when I'm with my siblings. My siblings, although they have different character traits and opinions, are my people. Our communication is comfortable to me. It's light and humorous. Sometimes things get a little crazy but that's okay because anything we say does not affect how we feel about each other. What we feel is deep in our bones and cannot be changed. It's unconditional love. I can be outrageously silly. I can be incredibly depressed. I can be mean and petty. I can say nothing at all. Whatever I feel like being, I can be and I'm still loved. That makes it really easy to be me around them.  

 

NaBloPoMo: My Writing Voice

Well my first post on the subject disapeared into a computer black hole like a college research paper the night before a big due date, so this post will be shorter and less awesome because I used up all my good ideas on the first one and now I got the little ones on my tail. 

My writing voice from what I hear is brutally honest. I tell the whole truth about how I'm feeling and what's going on. I'm honest in real life too, I just am less likely to make people worried and uncomfortable. Writing is my free therapy. When things get to be too much, I write. That makes me sound like I've never got it together because every post reads like a complaint or a plea to heaven for help. Luckily I usually have a glimmer of humor in my posts so things don't get thick as brick. 

I love how writing gives a chance to the author to check the sound of their voice before anyone else hears it. I write, read, rewrite and repeat until what I've written says what I intended it to and the tone is right.  In real life, I am talking and simultaneously wondering if the person smiling at me is smiling because they understand me or because they are thinking "What the heck is this lady talking about?"

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. My kids are getting crazy. 

NABloPoMo: 5 Interesting Things

This month I'm trying something new in order to get me to write more often, NaBloPoMo. Basically, I'm given prompts for what to write about and then I post every day, except weekends.

Today I'm to post 5 interesting things about myself. 

1. When I run out of shampoo, I do not go out and buy the same kind. I have to try something different every time. I love a new smell or a new softness to my hair. Even the look of a new bottle. Sometimes I even get some hotel shampoo out of my stash and use it mid regular bottle just to get the new feeling.

2. I have acquired over 20 new bottles of nail polish in the last 5 months. I'm normally getting 5 max a year. It's Julep that's got me addicted. I cannot stop trying out new colors. And not just on my tootsies like a normal stay at home mom, but on my fingers. And I've changed colors 3 times a week one week. I'm not even that great at doing my nails! 

3. I'm a freak about keeping my babies' nap times silent. I have serious anxiety when people are around when my baby naps. I hate when people open or shut doors. I asked my husband if he could please not even shut the bathroom door when my daughter is asleep (he still does). Quiet voices and quiet play from everyone too. I once ashed my mother-in-law to take off her loud shoes in her own house. My three year old told me, "Mom, you worry too much." I was the same way with my first daughter. 

4. I asked my husband to marry me. I couldn't stand waiting for him to ask me. 

5. I have an alter ego named Cheryl. I don't use her often now that I have kids. She's really crazy, but crazy can be fun. 

Story: Ms. Fancy

Ms. Fancy decided while drinking her fancy blueberry herbal tea that today she would conquer Russian cuisine, well cuisine that her fancy Russian friend makes at her house. With official Russian spices and a head remembered of the details she embarked. Chop chop chop the potatoes and into the bowl they go. Then goes in the infamous Mayo. A couple spoonfuls she said, but just to be sure Fancy Mom puts in half a cup. Stirring reveals potatoes coated generously. Next the drumsticks coated in Mayo. A little less generous this time. Sprinkle the special ingredients and into the oven they go. Mr. Fancy arrives after minutes have past and she says to him "Dinner is in the oven and prepare yourself because it's going to be so good. It's a Russian delicacy with secret ingredients smuggled over by secret agents from долго авиаторов." It will be 40 minutes. He will be back.
 The little creatures living in the house who depend on Ms Fancy's cooking can't wait, so veggies are put on the stove. The littles also need back carries and toy fetches to last till veggies.

Oh crap they are boiling over! Ms. Fancy is feeling strange as this escapes her lips. She enters the kitchen and drains the veggies. Steam billows. A piece of fancy falls off her. She places veggies in each of four bowls. The littlest little gets placed in a trayed chair and eagerly plunks them in her mouth without regard to color or size. The other little only takes the beans. 

"More beans!" "You can have them from my plate." Veggies are all over the floor and are continuing to plummit from tiny fingers. Ms Fancy takes her Julep Claudette red fingernails and caresses the messy creature. So cute. Cheerios are gonna have to fill the gap of time between now and 7 minutes when the fancy dinner is done. 

"Oh Geez Oh Geez! Come here," she exclaims as she pulls off tray to the chair holding the one now choking on itty bitty Cheerios, of all things. No intervention needed. Another piece of fancy falls to the carpet.
Ding! Dinners done and will be perfect. Its time......only its not. Ms. Fancy is not feeling so fancy.

The potatoes seem unchanged and meat only slightly. Ten more minutes. Times passes. Ding! Ready for dinner yay! Potatoes?! What is wrong with you? 10 more minutes. Still not done. Crank up the heat. 12 minutes. Damned potatoes cook! Only out her mouth she says "stupid potatoes!" of course.

"Dad! Mom said "stupid potatoes!"" Ms. Not So Fancy pokes the stupid potatoes here there and everywhere. Back in the oven for 15 minutes and no foil! Take that potatoes! Laughter from behind her. She brings out the strawberries and slices them for the little ones. They are now filled for the night.
Finally Potatoes surrender. Its been one hour and a half of another. No one is left ready for dinner so the potatoes go straight the fancy plastic dish with the lid attached. She would put the dishes in the washer but its full with dirties. So into the full with dirties sink or counter. Fancy will have to wait for another night or a friendlier batch of potatoes.